Finding the Gifts in Letting Go
Finding Joy in the Journey to Love
Illuminating Our Fears
Looking for Love
Preparing Yourself for Love—for Beginning Soul Sailors
A Soft Place to Fall
Soul Sailing Your Way to Perfect Love
Speak Spirit with Us!
Tapping into the Vibration of Love
Weathering the Storm Together

Preparing Yourself for Love—
For Beginning Soul Sailors

By Brad & Jan Lundy

"To be spiritually ready to fall in love means that you've brought yourself to a level of maturity in which an act of surrender is possible for you. You're willing to let go of your personality issues to be a spirit embraced by the force of love."

—Daphne Rose Kingma, Finding True Love

Jan: As Brad and I sat together one morning, trying to put into words what we felt was the very first step toward Perfect Love, we discovered that it was not one giant step, but a series of baby steps. Words like "self-love," "worthiness," and "deservedness" came to mind. We found ourselves self-diagnosing, wondering about our own level of self-love, about being "good enough" or "ready for love."

What we realized is that divine love is not something out there to be found or coaxed in. It is something which brews and ferments within each of us, like a fine wine. Until it has reached its inherent perfection inside each of us, it's incapable of flowing outward. In other words, we must passionately love ourselves, from both our light and dark places, before we can engage in Perfect Love with anyone else. We ready ourselves for love by doing our spiritual work. We take the time to connect with our innermost self and ask, "Do I believe I am worthy of big love?" "Do I love myself enough to love another unconditionally?"

This past week as I stood outside my yoga class, I witnessed a prime example of someone who might ask these questions of herself. I was leafing through the magazine we published (Healing Garden Journal), showing her the column we co-author, when she inquired what I meant by "conscious relationship." I explained it to her and she asked, "Do you mean with someone you are already in relationship with?" I replied, "Yes, that could be one possible scenario." She rolled her eyes skyward, indicating to me she thought that would be impossible for her. "My husband has a relationship with his computer. That's it. That's the only relationship he has or cares about."

I was saddened by her response because I could hear the pain in her voice. I wanted to ask her, "Are you deserving of that?" "Is that the kind of love you want in your life?" but I held my tongue. Later, I continued to wonder what her degree of self-love might be that she felt compelled to be in a relationship that was unsatisfying and frustrating. Why was she willing to settle for less than the best?

When I shared this with Brad, we both heard those words again— 'worthiness', 'deservedness', 'good enough', and we agreed that conscious love begins with how we regard ourselves and what we feel we deserve in life and relationship. If we believe we are the best, then we will seek out the best in others. If we are in touch with our spirit and its divinity, we will move toward a higher version of relationship, a more sacred, divine one. One hat honors who we are and who we are becoming.

Brad: I have a favorite line from one of Neale Donald Walsch's Conversation with God books. It goes something like this, "You can't hear what I have to say, until you stop telling me what you want to say." In other words, until we let go of our old beliefs and judgments, we will only see and hear the "old version" of life. It's when we set down our programs and filters that we have a chance to turn the page to a new chapter. My marriage ending four years ago was the start of a new chapter in my life. That chapter opened my eyes to the fact that I thought I needed a romantic relationship in my life to make me happy and complete.   

As I took my own baby steps toward Perfect Love, I saw I was expecting someone to love me more than I was willing to love myself. Imagine trying to paint a picture on a canvas that already has a picture on it! But this is exactly what we do day in and day out. If you want to experience a whole new level of love, then take the old painting off the easel and replace it with a fresh canvas.

To experience new vistas of Perfect Love it is crucial to be open and willing, willing to create a new picture of love for yourself. Start by setting your intention to be a fresh canvas where new possibilities and versions of yourself are free to appear. See the canvas being your Life, the brush being your Intention, and the paint being Divine Love/God.

Jan: I recall my own moment of awareness, nearly seven years ago. It was one of those "light bulb moments" when everything shifts and we see ourselves clearly for the first time. Mine came when I was in the presence of a couple who were living conscious relationship, Kenny and Julia Loggins. I witnessed firsthand their Spirit connection, the way that they lovingly looked at and touched one other; the tremendous nurturing and gentleness with which they supported and listened to each other. I sensed the completeness emanating from each one of them, completeness that came from a strong sense of self. Combined with another person of similar energy, it was a sight to behold. In their individual wholeness, they created a stronger, larger third energy, the energy of sacred partnership. It was an awe-inspiring moment. I knew right then and there that was what I wanted in my life, and I was worth it. I set the intention to "do the work" on myself, so that someday the doorway to conscious love would open and I would be ready to walk through it with the partner of my dreams. Years of therapy, soul searching, and reformulating my mental and emotional pictures of who I was, and who I wanted to be, was my course of action. Tending the garden of my own self-love enabled me to move in the direction of my dreams.

Brad: As Jan has pointed out, Perfect Love begins with self-love. Most of us would agree with this. If it begins with self love, what does it end with? Herein lies the Divine mystery; it ends with self-love. Perfect Love is a relationship with self. As it grows in intensity and depth, it spreads out beyond our physical self and activates the self-love that resides in everyone. How does one get to the place where a loving relationship with self is all we would ever need? You start by redefining your self. Remember to see your life as a clean canvas, your medium is Love, and your brush is intention. That way, you are creating a totally new vision of yourself day in and day out. A life that is so awesome, so perfect, that you will naturally fall helplessly in love with your own masterpiece.  

Jan: Two souls come together in conscious love because they are full and complete in themselves. They do not have needs outside of themselves that others have to fill. The work of self/Spirit has been done, and in that fullness, more blessings come. This sense of inner wholeness allows others of similar heart and energy to gravitate toward one other, knowing that in their fullness, they will be further enriched by the gentle presence others who can continue to help them evolve and grow.

Brad: Your masterpiece will come to life in small steps or brush strokes. With your intention and the Divine energy that surrounds this site, you have all the support and tools you will ever need to take those "baby steps" back home to the real you that is waiting to shower you with gifts and miracles. One of the first gifts you will receive are signs that you are heading in the right direction. These signs will take many forms, from strong confidant feelings to new positive resources coming into your life. And they will only grow from there... just as you will toward the Love of your dreams!

Perfect Love Homework

Take a moment and reflect upon your feelings of deservedness.
Do you feel worthy of "big love" in your life?

Do you think you are ready?

Try the exercise, "What's Your Love Quotient? in Chapter 4 of our book, Perfect Love. Your ability to see another with sacred vision is a good indicator of your own degree of self-love. It is virtually impossible to unconditionally love others if we have a lack of love for ourselves. Take a moment and reflect upon your findings and journal your answers.

We also recommend the book, Finding True Love, by Daphne Rose Kingma. Take her "Love Readiness Inventory" found in the book for unique insights into your spiritual and emotional readiness for Love.

We're glad you've decided to join us on the "S.S. Perfect Love," embarking right this moment for brighter shores and bolder vistas. We welcome you aboard and look forward to sailing with you toward the Love of your dreams.

Copyright Heart to Heart Press © 2006